March 4, 2026
The Surrogacy Matching Process Explained
What Actually Happens — And Why It Matters
Matching is the phase that intended parents think about the most.
It's also the phase that creates the most anxiety.
How do you know this is the right person?
What if the first call feels good — but things change later?
How much should you rely on chemistry versus structure?
At Advocates for Surrogacy, matching is not treated as a single event.
It is a sequence.
And that sequence is intentional.
Matching Begins With Depth — Not Availability
Before a surrogate is ever introduced to intended parents, she has completed a comprehensive intake.
Not just medical history.
Not just number of prior pregnancies.
We review:
- Her pregnancy and delivery history in detail
- Employment and schedule
- Compensation expectations
- Household structure
- Insurance coverage
- Childcare realities
But also:
- What her childhood was like
- How she describes her parenting
- How she handled major life events
- What goals she has for the future
- Who supports her
- Why she wants to pursue surrogacy
Those answers matter.
They reveal stability.
They reveal decision-making style.
They reveal emotional maturity.
Surrogacy is not simply medical eligibility.
It is a long-term working relationship.
Understanding the person matters before introduction.
Pregnancy Records Are Reviewed Before Profiles Are Shared
Once intake is complete, pregnancy and delivery records are obtained and submitted to the fertility clinic for preliminary review.
This is not full medical screening.
It confirms that, on paper, her history appears appropriate before anyone invests time emotionally.
Only after records are reviewed do we share profiles.
The Introduction Is Facilitated — But It Is Not Final
When both sides express interest, I schedule and attend the first Google Meet.
That conversation is structured.
It starts with just each talking about themselves, a little about their lives, their journey to this google meet. We let the meeting flow. Expectations, communication style, involvement during pregnancy, and logistical realities are part of the conversation.
But no one is asked to decide during that call.
Because compatibility is not determined in one hour.
The Most Important Phase: Direct Communication
If the introduction goes well, I connect the surrogate and intended parents directly.
And then I step back.
This is where clarity develops.
They continue to communicate — by text, phone, or video — without the agency in the middle. They may decide to meet in person.
This allows both sides to observe:
- Responsiveness
- Tone
- Follow-through
- Comfort level
- How questions are handled over time
- Basically, the overall flow of the relationship begins to unfold
Often, conversations deepen after the formal introduction.
That is intentional.
Only after both sides independently confirm they are comfortable do we move forward to:
- Formal medical screening
- Psychological evaluation
- Legal drafting
- Escrow funding
Why We Structure It This Way
Medical screening, psychological evaluations, and legal contracts involve time and expense.
More importantly, they signal commitment.
Before reaching that stage, communication should already feel steady.
Matching should not feel rushed.
It should feel considered.
Surrogacy requires coordination, patience, and mutual respect over many months so taking some time to get to know each other before matching is essential. The foundation for that is established during the matching phase.
It's about finding the time and place to express oneself and ask the hard questions and this can take time.
That is why we build it carefully.