What If the Match Doesn't Work Out? Understanding Rematching in Surrogacy

Not every match works out — and that's okay. The matching process is a human process, and sometimes what looks like a good fit on paper and even further direct contact before committing to moving forward with a match doesn't translate into the right partnership in practice. Understanding what happens when a match falls through, what causes it, and how the process of rematching works will help both intended parents and surrogates navigate these situations without unnecessary fear or conflict.

Why Matches Sometimes End

Matches can end at different stages for different reasons. Before legal contract execution, either party can typically step back if they realize the fit isn't right — this is exactly why the introduction call and early relationship-building phase matters so much. After contract execution but before the medical process begins, ending the match is more complicated and may have financial implications defined in the contract. After transfer or during pregnancy, a rematch is extremely rare and would only occur under extraordinary circumstances.

Common reasons a pre-contract match ends: a values or communication mismatch that becomes apparent through early conversations, a change in circumstances for either party, the surrogate's medical screening revealing a disqualifying factor, are the most common reasons.

The Financial Reality of a Rematch

The surrogacy contract will specify what has been earned and paid to the surrogate at each stage. Pre-screening bonuses and contract signing bonuses that have been paid are typically not returnable. The costs of screening (psychological evaluation, medical screening) are additional costs for intended parents with the rematch as well as any differences in compensation, benefits and reimbursements that the new match involves.

The Emotional Reality of a Rematch

For intended parents, a rematch can feel like yet another setback in a journey that may already have included many. It's a real emotional blow, and it's worth acknowledging that before pivoting to the practical path forward. For surrogates, the experience depends on the circumstances — sometimes it's a relief when something wasn't right; sometimes it's disappointing. Our team stays in close contact with both intended parents and surrogates through a rematch process.

We are also there during any potential bumps in the road that could lead to a match failure. Sometimes, there are situations in which creative solutions and some experienced mediation can solve problems, misunderstandings, or perceived misalignments.

For more on the emotional dimensions of surrogacy, see The Emotional Side of Surrogacy.

How Rematching Works

A rematch at Advocates for Surrogacy begins where the original matching process began: with a reassessment of both parties' needs and preferences in light of what was learned. Sometimes a match falls through and both parties find a better fit quickly. We don't treat rematching as an exceptional circumstance — it's a normal part of supporting complex human journeys, and we approach it with the same care we bring to every part of the process.

To understand the full matching process from the beginning, see The Matching Process Explained.

Even in journeys that include unexpected loss, we remain committed to both intended parents and surrogates. To learn more about how we handle those situations, see What Happens If the Surrogate Miscarries?.